The end of May has traditionally been a harder time than normal for me. It’s the end of school for starters. I loved school growing up and I remember crying most last days of school. Yes, I continued to play school over the summer and read lots of books, but I knew the next year would be different and starting over would be a bit uncomfortable.

My grandmother also died the end of May. It’s been 13 years now, but she was a kindred spirit (for my Anne of Green Gables friends). Each year, I slowly get rid of more things that she and I made together as I no longer use them. This month, we were going through the kids things and a stuffed animal dog she made out of scrap sewing materials was one that was no longer needed.

I knew it was time to throw it out, but I continued to hold on to it for the last three weeks. Even though I know it’s not true, I hold on to things so I don’t forget. Forgetting a memory, or a person, seems tragic to me. It makes me feel their life was for nothing. Living without them seems like there’s a black hole of pieces in the middle of my life’s puzzle!

Why do I hold on? I asked myself that as I was staring into the mirror this morning. I just kept telling myself, I didn’t want to forget and moving on was hard. Starting over in a new normal is hard.

Aren’t we all starting over in a new normal? We have to live life differently than before. We have to rethink some things and how we do them. It’s uncomfortable, it’s like black holes are everywhere!

I’m then reminded by Wikipedia that Black is the darkest color, the result of the absence or complete absorption of visible light. Those black holes are absorbing the light that we know is out there. I know God is with me, yet, I don’t always see Him. Could it be that those black holes could gently gain color once more?

We choose to let go of the life we knew before in order to paint a new picture over the black that seems to shadow what we’ve known. I choose to share more stories of my grandmother so that she’ll live on to another generation. I choose to acknowledge that I’m more like her than I realize. I choose to live into the unknown and understand that I don’t control the future. I choose to believe I serve a God who walks with me daily and He controls the universe. I choose to walk forward into the unknown.

© 2020 Susan M. Sims

If you enjoy these blogs, please share with those who might need encouragement.

Follow me on Twitter or Facebook.

Looking for a small group Bible study?

Look no further: Being Transparent: With Yourself, God, and Others with the Leader’s Discussion Guide!