I’m writing this post from an Arkansas state park early in the morning as the kids are still asleep. The family is on the start of a 26-day journey across parts of America in an RV. This is something Brian and I thought we’d do one day when we were older. Then, our oldest daughter wanted to go to the Grand Canyon before going to college, so we thought what better way to combine the two!

It was a little less than two years ago when we got the cancer diagnosis for Brian. It was during the chemo days of long days on the couch when we’d watch YouTube videos of people traveling. Since we were unable to travel during this time it made life not feel quite so isolating. The commentary was interesting and gave our minds a quick respite of the reality we were in at that time. We landed more and more on videos of people in RVs and even some who lived fulltime in their RVs. It just all seemed so peaceful.

Then, the dream came: Let’s do this one day! We had hope of a future!

The plans began. We researched certain styles of RVs, we asked people we knew who had RVs, and we began to dream when we were just trying to grasp for something positive in our lives. Now, don’t get me wrong, we had a peace that transcends all understanding during the diagnosis, chemo, and recuperation from chemo. We felt God daily wrapping His loving arms around us. It was just that the daily grind of life during that time was just plain hard. It was exhausting. I think in a way our whole family is still recuperating. I’ve had to remind myself often to just breathe…just take a deep breath, Susan!

Over the course of the past 23 months, we found RVers, fell in love with the idea, and bought one for our journeys. With how practical we both are, we really didn’t expect all of this. When you wonder if you’ll have another year together as a family, though, practicality seems to take a backseat and life just happens.

As the time got closer for us to leave, I felt like we were little kids at Christmas! We were a bit giddy, in fact! We went over list after list making sure we had not forgotten anything. We were even having a hard time sleeping because we were so ready to go! Yesterday as we got the RV out of storage, I told Brian I was just feeling emotional for some reason. But, getting everything in the RV took over and we made our way to get the kids from church camp since that was on our way! It was about 3 hours into the trip when I heard the kids singing and saw Brian driving when it hit me: this trip was no longer a dream…it was OUR reality.

I just started crying. This meant our reality had changed. What we had dreamed about, a trip in a RV, was so much more than a trip. In fact, this reality meant my husband was still here with me. It meant we have crossed over another valley in our lives. It meant victory…it meant hope. I no longer had to be scared we were planning something just for a distraction. It was a reminder that I could move on from the bondage of sickness and possible loss. A bondage I didn’t even realize I was still under until I heard the singing. Yesterday, all at once, I realized I still had turmoil, still had fear of loss, and gave it all up to God at the same time. It was a beautiful few minutes of confession.

Trust. Delight. Commit. Those have been my words for some time. I trust in God. I delight in His presence in my life. I commit my life to Him and that of those of love. I have a feeling God has other things to show me during this trip and I hope to share them with you along the way.

Until next time…

© 2018 Susan M. Sims

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