I thought I’d end the year with an article I wrote for our church’s Advent Devotional. Have a wonderful New Year.

What do you do when life gets hard? Do you withdraw and seek refuge in silence, or do you communicate with as many people as possible and walk through life with others? I know for me personally, it depends upon what the circumstances may be. This year our family was thrown a curveball when we found out Brian had cancer. Depending upon the day, I’ve bounced between refuge and communication. I’ve prayed for God to help me with my priorities and to focus on what He’d have for me in any given moment. This has not been easy.

There’s a fine line between doing what needs to be done in your life and doing it when it’s appropriate. I have found over the last few months I’ve not chosen the best timing in accomplishing my legitimate tasks. Take, for example, writing this article. I started this writing one day in the treatment room when a gentleman came in whom we had met 3 months prior. On our first meeting, he was a vibrant man full of life and energy, but not this time. I was in shock, was instantly saddened by the effects of this disease, and had to look away. Yet, I was drawn back to him; so weak, tired, and weary. Tears began to form in my eyes and again I had to look away.

I couldn’t take it anymore and I got up quickly as the tears were beginning to spill from my eyes. As I made it to the restroom, I closed the door and cried out to God and sobbed. This disease truly angered me. Shortly thereafter, I left to get some lunch for Brian. My anger was still boiling at the seemingly injustice of cancer. God reminded me He was stronger than my doubts, stronger than my fears, able to carry me through the storms of life, and He was still good.

Upon reentry of the treatment room, I still felt a pit in my stomach for the hurt, and yet I had peace. I still longed to heal his withering body, and yet I felt God’s love. I ached at the thought that this “simple” disease forced me to look away from this man because I realized briefly, and every so small in comparison, of the hurt and anguish God must have felt when He turned His face from Jesus as Jesus hung on the cross.

I have been praying for months through this time in our lives that God would break my heart for what breaks His. Although I’m not loving this disruption in our lives right now, I’m loving having my eyes opened in new ways to see God work all around me and I’m honored to be able to love others more deeply now knowing how they feel. Oh, Lord, please forgive us all for our insignificant complaints in life. May we continue to be more like You in the coming days and years. Each day we’re getting closer to being like God. Heaven is our ultimate destination. Until then, we must share God’s love with others…we’re almost there.

© 2016 Susan M. Sims

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