As I’m wrapping up my second Bible study on my book, Being Transparent: With Yourself, God, and Others, I was thinking of how to get some transparency talk going on my blog. I was looking through some old documents, found my journal from 2010, and decided to take a read. I don’t even remember what was going on at that time. Here’s an excerpt of my prayer that day:

I feel totally inadequate right now. I don’t feel I can get everything done that I would like to get done. I have to continually remind myself that You are walking with me daily and I need to remember to be patient with myself. You are constantly reminding me to rest in You and to rest in Your plan for my life. Why do I always strive, then, to do more for You? I never feel good enough just “being”.  Why is that?  Am I so much of a Martha that I can’t be a Mary?

I fall so short of You. I know I’m never going to get to Your level, nor should I ever think I will. I think of the kids spilling food on the floor as they are trying to clear the table for me, or spilling the grits as they pour them in the bowl. They’re doing what I’ve asked them to do and yet they still messes up. I know I’m currently doing what You’ve asked me to do, but I still see all the times I’ve messed up.  Why do I try to reject Your love for me when I mess up? I’m no different from my own children with arms flaring up in anger with themselves and I’m (as a parent) trying to wrap my arms around them to let them know it’s okay and that I still love them.

Please let me relax in Your loving arms.  Please let me feel Your love. I’m constantly fighting against what You’d have for me. Please forgive me for trying to be something I’m not supposed to be.  Please forgive me for thinking You didn’t do a good enough job for me.  Please forgive me for expecting something from my children that I can’t even be for You…obedient and good all the time.

Please take away from me expectations of myself that are not achievable.  Please take away my doubts. Please allow me to find my self-confidence and my fulfillment in You and in Your plan. I don’t want my plan. As much as I tell myself that I have a plan for my life, please allow me to only trust You for what You’d have for me.

Again, these are just some rambling thoughts of my prayer that day. Do you resonate with any of these areas in life? I would love to dialogue with you!

© 2014 Susan M. Sims

Image courtesy of Jomphong / freedigitalphotos.net

Follow me on Twitter or Facebook.

Looking for a small group Bible study? Look no further: Being Transparent: With Yourself, God, and Others