Today was the last “first day of school” our family will have in elementary school. My son is in fourth grade and school started today. I asked him if he still wanted me to walk him to his class and was pleasantly surprised when he said “yes”. As we walked into the school I spotted his best friend whose mom also teaches at the school. I asked David if he’d like to walk up to class with his friend. Both boys were excited and began chatting up a storm immediately.

It was wonderful to see him interact so well with others and to be comfortable in his surroundings. But, do you know where that left me? Walking behind. It was sad for a bit until I realized this is truly how it’s always been. He never really minded playing by himself as a little boy as long as he knew someone was there near him. It was the same as we walked down the hallway to his class. All three of us said hi to the teacher and the boys walked inside. I don’t even remember the good-bye wave and there wasn’t a hug. But, he made it and I made it. After the teacher and I talked for a moment I looked in the classroom one more time and he and his friend were already at their desks working on the day’s work.

It’s so fun to watch our kids grow up into little adults. They have their opinions and their quirks. They make jokes and are so sensitive to the things that hurt people in this world. At times it’s hard to watch them grow up because it seems a bit of their innocence is gone. I wonder how God felt about letting go of Jesus and watching Him grow up on the Earth knowing the hurt He might endure. I wonder how He feels letting us go with our free will. I wonder if He hates seeing us grow up and lose our innocence. My body helped to create this little boy of ours, but I don’t know that I truly feel I created him. Yet, God purposefully created me and He still gives me the opportunity to choose to reject him. I can’t imagine the hurt He must feel being rejected by someone He loves so much.  Lord, forgive me for those many times.

On the other hand, God also gets the joy of watching me grow in His love and guidance. I thrive in His love and peace. I don’t do so well when I’m not in His love and peace. Doing things on my own isn’t the greatest thing. God answered prayers for all my children to have a christian friend in their classroom this year. Still, I know this does not guarantee they will make all the right choices. I pray I will have the strength to love my children unconditionally should they ever choose to reject God or me more than me just walking behind them in the hallway. But, today, I choose to pray they will never choose the wide path. I pray they will continually choose God and what He has for their lives. I choose to watch them grow in God’s ways and not those I have for them. I’m choosing to let go and watch them grow.

© 2012 Susan M. Sims

Image courtesy of Ambro at freedigitalphotos.net

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