I was having a conversation with my daughter the other day about ways to control your anger. For, you see, she has a tendency to react without thinking. This sort of behavior has gotten her in trouble in the past. As we were talking I suggested that when she gets super frustrated and very anger that she keep her mouth shut, she does not react with words and should count until she can settle down a bit. This has worked in the past with me, so I thought it was excellent advice. My words seemed very wise as it had been tested before and brought about success, but it wasn’t clicking.
She continued to look at me in a very serious manner and said, “Mommy, can I tell you something?” “Sure”, I replied. She began to tell me a story…”So, you know how in bullfighting they have the bull caged up before they let it out?” “Yes”, I replied wondering how she was thinking about bullfighting when I had just explained for the fifteenth time the best way for her to deal with her anger. I just knew there was going to be a sixteenth time now! She continued, “Well, the bull does not want to be in the cage. The longer it is in the cage the more angry it gets, you know? And, you know how they count down until they will let the bull out? Well, Mom, I feel like that bull. The more I count, the more angry I get because I know I’m locked up and can’t get out of the cage and let my anger out”.
I didn’t know what to say. I was a little taken aback by the fact that counting would make her more angry. On the other hand, I was so proud of how eloquently and calmly she had explained and illustrated how she was feeling. This is my child who when she was very young would draw me pictures of how she felt and put captions above the pictures because I couldn’t get her to express logically in words how she was feeling. So, pictures became her avenue to express herself. We’ve come a long way from pictures, but now her words are framed in a picture for me of a bull trying to escape from his cage. Here I was thinking the counting was a good thing because it prepared me for when the anger and emotions (bull) would be released and yet my daughter saw herself just the opposite.
Proverbs 22:17-19a (NASB) says: “Incline your ear and hear the words of the wise, and apply your mind to my knowledge; for it will be pleasant if you keep them with you, that they may be ready on your lips. So that your trust may be in the Lord.”
So, where did I go wrong? I was sharing my knowledge of what had worked for me, but it was my knowledge I was sharing. I realized I never once in the course of our fifteen conversations had said, “In this book and chapter of the Bible, God tells us this about our anger”. It wasn’t ready on my lips. Not everything that works for me will work for someone else. I cannot expect my life to completely mirror that of someone else. What will remain constant, though, is God’s Word to us.
We will each adapt the words of His mouth to our lives in a little different way. I might react as the counter and my daughter might be the bull, but we will both have God’s Word in our hearts and react as He would have us react. So, whether God needs my daughter to go and knock some sense into a person holding a red flag or whether He just needs me to sit up in a booth and count, He needs us both. He needs both perspectives. We must have His Words ready on our lips so His knowledge will be what others see and not our own thoughts. For, when we trust in our own thoughts we are then trusting in ourselves. We take away God’s Lordship in our lives. We elevate ourselves above God and where He should be in our lives. I pray my trust will always be in the Lord. May I always strive to have His Words “ready on my lips”!
© 2012 Susan M. Sims
Image courtesy of Gualberto107 at freedigitalphotos.net
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